Time

“It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone.”

― Rose Kennedy

Three years ago today we said farewell to Duncan.  The memory of those last days in the hospital is still so painful and sharp for both Sandra and I that's it's hard to write.  I remember hoping and praying that his heart would keep beating and that the rupture would somehow heal and the crushing weight of silence when there was no heartbeat on the third ultrasound late that evening.  He was so big and strong, yet tiny and vulnerable as we held him for the first and last time after the delivery.  He will always be with us.

 The first year after we lost Duncan we started a tradition of releasing a balloon as a remembrance.  Sandra got the idea from something she read and it just seemed right as we watched the balloon fade into the night sky over Durham.  This year we released balloons in his memory once again, but also in thanks for Samuel and in hope that our family may one day grow again despite all odds.  Samuel was a bit young to understand everything about today or who his brother was, but it was great to have him with us and watch him say goodbye to the balloons.  I often wonder what it would be like if Duncan were still here with us.  Would he look like Samuel?  How would they play together?  What I wouldn't give to see them laughing and playing together!  Perhaps I will one day...