..."if anyone offers to do IUI or IVF on you guys, run! They just want your money."
..."So much for science."
All of those are things we have been told by our doctors.
Early last year, I saw my primary doctor with concerns about fertility. We knew Sam was a blessing. A huge blessing that according to most doctors, "should have never been able to happen." I sat through my appointment and listened to my primary care doctor explain my cycles and how people get pregnant. Thank you, oh so much, for that 8th grade health lesson. Dude. Trust me. I've got this. I'm probably more familiar with fertility than you are. (One of the joys of struggling through a diagnosis is becoming an expert on the subject.) He began to explain we needed to be more "active" "all the time." *Sigh.* Sorry, Doc, but on that note, you are wrong. I asked to be referred to a specialist, and he told me to go home, try some more, relax, and follow up in a few months. Thanks again for nothing. I left this appointment frustrated with this system and just sort of gave up on the subject.
Six months later, I saw this doctor for a gyn issue and was referred to the gyn department. After listening to our history, my doctor said to follow up in a few weeks and we would discuss options. I returned later that month, and he began to discuss Clomid...
...I came home and talked to Kyle about starting Clomid. We decided we'd pray about it for a while before I filled my prescription. So, we prayed. And prayed. And asked for prayer. And prayed. A month later, I went to the pharmacy to pick up my prescription. As luck would have it, we were caught in traffic (we live 3 or 4 blocks from the hospital,) and there was some sort of flag situation at the front of the hospital, so I stopped to wait for that. THE PHARMACY CLOSED BEFORE WE GOT TO THEM. Two days later, my mom called to tell me that my dad was on life support, and I needed to come to Georgia. I later told Kyle, "God knew we didn't have time for Clomid this month."
I went to Georgia for three months, which would have made Clomid useless, as I kind of need Kyle to help with that process. After I returned to New York, I was still grieving and wasn't really in the mood to think about pregnancy or fertility. Clomid didn't even cross our minds.
In November, we started talking about trying to get pregnant again. I picked up my prescription, we started tracking ovulation, and decided we'd start Clomid in December.
December rolled around, but my cycle never came. So, we laughed and I sent Kyle to the store and said, "Buy those cheap $1 pregnancy tests. Get like 5 of them. Don't buy the expensive tests. I don't want to waste money."
Kyle came home, we took a test, and it was negative. I laughed. We left it on the sink and went back downstairs to watch tv. Several hours later, we came back upstairs, and Kyle said, "Um, this is positive." I grabbed the box and said, "You can't read the results after several hours have passed." He said, "Ok. Let's take another one in the morning." "Fine, " I thought, "You can thank me later, Kyle, for saving us $20 on pregnancy tests. $1 down. $1 to go..."
We woke up, I took a test, and...
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| Ha! Two lines! *This explains why I had been so tired!!! |
So, we found out two days before we were to leave for Christmas. Before we were to take a trip from NY to GA in a car. With a dog. And a toddler. OH. SWEET HEAVENS. We decided it would be fun to let Sam announce the good news, so we made a shirt:
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| "We" made this shirt: Kyle picked out the appliqué, and I got to work on my under-utilized sewing machine. |
Around 6 weeks, we had some bleeding and went in for a viability scan. We saw a fetal pole and flickering (a heartbeat.) Praise the Lord!
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| Six week ultrasound. Praise the Lord for good news! |
It took a while, but we finally saw a doctor. We're 11 weeks! The in-office ultrasound wasn't great for pictures, but I saw the baby's hand and feet moving and a heartbeat in the 150's.
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| 11 weeks! This mama is so relieved to see her baby again. |
Needless to say, I am overwhelmed with anxiety. I spoke to the doctor today, and he said that was normal given my history. I wish and pray I could be the pregnant girl who just relishes her pregnancy, who doesn't fear every time she goes to the bathroom, every time she feels a pain, or every. little. thing. When I was younger and dreamed of being pregnant, I never considered the fears and anxiety that plague my heart and mind.
We return in 5 weeks for a check-up and to schedule the 18-week ultrasound. Once again, 18 weeks is always on our hearts.
We are so thankful for the friends and family that have been walking through this process with us, holding our hands and hearts especially over the past three months. We continue to covet your prayers as we begin this journey with our new baby. We have new complications given my age and health, and we continue to pray for a full-term healthy baby.
I always love reading people's pregnancy summaries, so let's try it this time:
Week: 11
Due Date: August 28 (though the early ultrasound estimates August 23.) Kyle and I are guessing late July. Sam wasted no time joining this family; I can't imagine this baby is going to want to just hang out and veg in my belly.
How do I feel? Anxious; very sleepy; a bit nauseated, but that goes away with a snack.
Most exciting moment this month: Seeing the baby and finally getting in to see a doctor! My two appointments have been cancelled due to snow!
What do I miss? Caffeinated coffee. Sleep. My doctors at UNC.
Is the baby moving? Yes, at least I have seen him moving on the ultrasound. I haven't felt any movement yet.
What do I crave? Fresh pineapple, which is incredibly difficult to find, Dr. Pepper (Kyle lets me taste his when he drinks them,) spinach, tortilla chips.
What makes me sick? Mostly smells: dirty dishes, the trash can, milk, hot peanut butter. Pad Thai made me sick during the last two pregnancies, so I have no desire to see if that aversion still exists.
What do I fear? Not making it to the hospital in time and delivering this baby in a car or at home.
What am I looking forward to? Finding out if we are having a boy or a girl, holding our new baby, delivering in a hospital with competent professionals, ordering maternity pants (I am living in yoga pants right now.)
What feels different this time? I feel a little more confident about things this time. I definitely don't know everything, but I feel better prepared to ask appropriate questions and to have appropriate expectations. Oh, and I have a toddler this time. Please pray for enough energy to be a good mom to Sam!
Psalm 34
I will bless the Lord at
all times;
His praise shall continually be in
my mouth.
My soul will make its boast in
the Lord;
The humble will hear it and
rejoice.
O magnify the Lord with
me,
And let us exalt His name together.
I sought the Lord, and He
answered me,
And delivered me from all my fears.
They looked to Him and were
radiant,
And their faces will never be
ashamed.
This poor man cried,
and the Lord heard him
And saved him out of all his troubles.
The angel of
the Lord encamps around those who fear Him,
And rescues them.
O taste and see that
the Lord is good;
How blessed is the man who takes
refuge in Him!
O fear the Lord, you His
saints;
For to those who fear Him there
is no want.
The young lions do lack and suffer
hunger;
But they who seek
the Lord shall not be in want of any good thing.
Come, you children, listen to me;
I will teach you the fear of
the Lord.
Who is the man who desires life
And loves length of days
that he may see good?
Keep your tongue from evil
And your lips from speaking deceit.
Depart from evil and do good;
Seek peace and pursue it.
The eyes of the Lord are
toward the righteous
And His ears are open to
their cry.
The face of the Lord is
against evildoers,
To cut off the memory of them from
the earth.
The righteous cry,
and the Lord hears
And delivers them out of all their
troubles.
The Lord is near to
the brokenhearted
And saves those who are crushed in
spirit.
Many are the afflictions of the
righteous,
But the Lord delivers him out
of them all.
He keeps all his bones,
Not one of them is broken.
Evil shall slay the wicked,
And those who hate the righteous will
be condemned.
The Lord redeems the soul of
His servants,
And none of those who take refuge
in Him will be condemned.
