My Soccer Team

When I was younger, or crazy because college is awesome and allows you to dream, people would ask if I wanted children. I would respond, "Yes. I want an entire soccer team."

Fast forward to today. I'm thirty-something, and I haven't desired a soccer team in a LONG, LONG time. What happened? What killed that energetic girl who loved the crazy chaos of children? Was it an extended period of single hood during which I enjoy the freedom of life without restrictions? Did she die with age? Possibly, the fact that I am no longer youthful and energetic plays a role in this. Is it because I moved away from my "village," those friends and family I can count on to hold my hand, my heart, and my baby night or day when I need it most? Our parents can't exactly travel at the drop of a hat to visit for extended periods of time. In fact, my family may never see our home here. Honestly, I fear it's a little of all of these.

Why am I thinking about this? I had a conversation with a friend. She has three children. Three marvelous children. Someone asked why she hadn't had her tubes tied. Really? Really! During the throws of motherhood, I have wondered why people have so many children. Usually, I am struggling with understanding HOW THEY SURVIVE MOTHERHOOD with so many children. Yet, I don't think (or at least I hope) I have suggested birth control. Maybe I have. I am so sorry if I have. I mean, ask me my opinion on an incredibly stressful day when some smug mom says, "Oh, it gets better," and keeps walking instead of offering to assist me in anyway, and I might say I'm pretty sure we aren't having more children.  This is sarcasm, as we want more children. We just have problems getting pregnant and carrying to term.

I am watching my friends with multiple children (and friends with multiples) and thinking, "WOW! These moms are doing it." They are surviving motherhood and doing it with grace. I am listening to their honesty in absolute awe and admiration. None of them say it's easy, but they all say they love their children and wouldn't change their families for anything. Sure, they'd all love a bigger house, a bigger or newer car, more money, but they're doing their best with what they have.

I am noticing the moms that have JOY. There are moms who are beaten down by motherhood, struggling to feed, clothe, and provide for their children, but they have JOY. They have HOPE. They have LOVE. Even on their worst days, they have a spirit that can't be denied. I spent the day with a JOYFUL mom. She was amazing. She wasn't snarky. She didn't judge other moms (or my parenting) and explained she can't be bothered by those who judge her, either. She admitted every one of her children were different and required different parenting technique. I believe she said, "You know, we just do what works best for each child and for our family. That's it." Simple. Honest. Truth.

As a family, we've been struggling with discipline in our own home. We try parenting classes, we read books, we talk to friends. WE HAVE NO CLUE WHAT WE ARE DOING, but I pray we will find JOY in our parenting. JOY in what God has blessed us with. JOY in the everyday adventure. We want to exude HOPE, JOY, LOVE.

"Paypah Sam"